Thank you

what is of tomorrow ?
When there's nothing or no one to follow?
When your sunshine gets casted in a cloud, gray of sorrow?
I search for the truth, past my once age of curious youth
past the time of my last fallen tooth
In guidance I still look up to you
forgive me of my sins
I love you
I always wanted you to be proud to me
that's why I stayed away from the penitentiary
stayed in school and got a degree
Because you were always looking out for me
Your teachings help define me
During the worst of times, I lied to you, wife and lied to me
Now as a father, experience and wisdom to my seeds offer
Teach of the learned mistakes of their careless father
but to nothing regret because these were lessons
not to forget nor for a second neglect
I just want to thank you in this most precious day
when things look dismay
I just want to thank you of the teacher to me you became
You brought me back to live truth
you killed my once devilish youth
killed my lies with the tears in
my eyes
and for that I eternally love you
Your Son
May 13, 2007

Dedicated to those w/ a loved one in trouble and you feel helpless..

The saddest sight
as she decays in front of my eyes
I heavy sigh,
pain soo strong like the loss of my son
soo much potential
yet sadness & desperate clouds her mental
that she just gives in
to heavy drugs like heroin
and sinks into a mental trip
everytime her mother and I talk to her
she says " were just talking shit"
yells & cusses, with dried spit and dry cracked lips
every other hour you can see her chain smoke cigarettes
God help, because you know we've tried,
rehab more than three times
yet still she lies,
high is seen in her eyes.
multiple lawyers paid many times,
soo many times watched my mother Cry.
Wondering " Why "
Which angers me, but found out it won't solve anything.
but only enabling
Offer love and support, and
hope one day she can shed dead skin and spread her angel wings
and let love sing
where pain has once been
sunlight to where there was once rain
I remember your first words were my name, was I not your bothers keeper
but reaper that added to shame ?
my head turned as You lived in the fast lane
because I was busy with my own,
I'm sorry,
sorry that many times I didn't come home,
sorry father and mother never really had the "happy home"
I bet you felt alone
and your world couldn't understand
and ran into the arms of another lonely young man
that had the " Love"
" the happy feeling drug"
that morphed emotions numb,
please don't let it succumb
Safety, health and peace I wish her
Because God knows I miss her,
please I ask...
I ask to bring Back my sister...

*L***K*

Dim the Lights, pop the cork, light the candle, set the bubble bath on standby, open the window slightly for a cool breeze, and don't talk, let the music talk to you.....

A Father's Prayer 8/14/2007

To be a father,
wisdom from experience must offer
though I may be not be the most perfect example
love must not be thrown in a hamper
always unconditional and teaching
while y child grows & grows, knows & knows
for a meaning seeking to be reaching,
TO the Lord we be kneeling.
My child, I smile when you smile
comfort you and kiss you when you frown
When grades are good and chores done,
That dress will be bought, and reward won,
It will be given to you because Daddy loves you
I only ask for the truth and confidence
Never arrogance and disobedience
I may not always be right, but with my pure heart I shall guide
Love your mom and kiss her good night
Daddy will never be cruel,
Only spank you, discipline to teach you rules
I love you more,
Than eyes can ever see, ears can ever hear
When at moments of fear, just
Look at the mirror, for you have noone but yourself to fear
There will be a day, when I wont wake
But with the genes we gave and teachings trained
I will never be too far away,
Daddy is but a memory away
Look to the clouds on a bright day
Or dark in a feeling of dismay
A soft kiss will be felt in the cool
Soft mist, because “DADA”
Will always be there &
Will always love you

..K..

Hey Mami, what cha doing tonight?
Mabuhi, G.bless and long life
glad not to be with ex-wife
A time of stress, argue & fight
I'm finally living it right
and just wanna say I got u in sight
soo appetizing I want to bite, kiss,
recite poetry to miss,
and expose you to my thoughts of devilish
your smile is cool
like an Ice cube it keeps me tranquil
sometimes your name weighs heavy on my brain like an anvil
looking at you in your orange dress
sparks a fire of desire
in which I will cool down tonight with a cold shower
& tell her I like her on a note with chocolate & flowers
When alonr I kiss over 500 times on her neck
while she slaps my hands keeping me in check
" hands to yourself!"
my mind and eyes say " what the hell?"
And by my actions she can tell,
Damn I must have done something dumb, plus it's 4 in the morning,
So to sleep, I might as well....
by the way, it was cool to puff a little
weed, definitely been a long time for me
20 minutes later it gave me munchies
While feeling High, we took a taxi to LaLive
we ate sushi & drank wine
temporary solace of divine
On your bday, It was your day,
eating at restaurant at 21st floor restaurant,
overlooking the city
in all it's splendor and gritty
and by the way did I mention
" you look way more than pretty?"
And I calm & cool
Smooth & charmin, like Dean Martin
After the meal with cool view
"what's next" u said
I say "let's shoot pool!"
no car so taxi again taken to seven grand bar,
mojitos and rum n coke ordered
the last dude I played pool
I murdered,
acting like Tom cruise "On the color of money,"
on my pool shark skills,
and yes I got the tongue to pay the bills,
drinking as if I had gills.
Listening to the live band, "we chilled"
But in my mind, I anticipate,
The kiss from my date
"look babe isn't the singer great"
K said
I say " yea, she put soul to it"
you reply " she's white,"
if she was, I said " she has a bad tan,
overcooked medium, and slightly looking like a man."
But to her music I'm a fan
" cmon follow me, hey ma'am loved your singing voice what's your nationality?"
she said black and cherokee,
I looked at K and said "haha now you owe me."
she smiled as she left to the Bathroom briefly....
Her perfume scent drugging me
anyways, silence is all I heard in the crowd as K in her orange skirt approached my way in seductive walk, without any touch or talk, she gave me pleasurable pain, & grabbed my shirt
My hands touched over the "lump" part of the skirt, each kiss like a sensual flirt ..Lol, and yes it did work
wanting to proceed more than centimeter, i want like an inch.
eyes Never flynch cuz i didn't want to miss, this miss
Even while writting this , I cannot describe this...
So I'll end the page, with the memory stained, a friendship taking off like a plane, afar from which it came...
that tomorrow will bring a new day ;)

To my Son MANUEL J. Origel 7/31/2007

Lay me cold, watch in stand still the silence
the beat of my poor child in his mother's womb
for him to be born is to sleep in a tomb
We will see you soon, when Daddy and Mommy
only wanted to Love and Protect you
Even before we met, all my life ive been in love with you
I only wanted to watch as the years passed to guide you
and at night sing songs to you
watch when you took your first step, wep and when
you reached "you terrible two"
Now Daddy is the one to Weep, never to watch your first step
and only wake to see my son's last breath
A climax of pain, close to my own death
because I only wanted the best
No suffering, no pain, no surgeries, no tests
my son is a human not an experiment
and my son MANUEL I will bury you, you will
you will lay in your tomb with the pictures of your
family that dearly loves you
So after, when the time when I pass and reach the heavens gates
& meet my fate
I will be seen walking the clouds
seeing people living; living their own eternal life now
beyond being earthbound
because we reached heaven, were years are only seconds
and as I walk, passing the people who on earth died
I see the world with my new eyes...A child playing
with other kids,
smiling at the fun of being kids
....WHen one looks at me, slants his head slightly
and brings out a picture from his pocket
and stares at it staringly
..AND runs and Yells to me, hugs and kisses me
Because, because he found his DADDY

MANUEL JESUS ORIGEL (6months old)
DAddy loves you (7/31/2007)

Before Angelina was born (written 2005)

I don't even know if my love is the greatest
but your birth will be the peak of pleasure
ever witnessed by my 5 Senses
Though through the pregnancy it was stressful
and many possible complications could of occurred
I prary and thank God to shelter with his wings for
the coming arrival of my little girl
My own personal living angel in this world
Ive made many mistakes in my pathway
and things I wanted to deter or change
But Angelina, my darling you are the surest thing
I know, that was ever made
Happiness is to watch you play
the words "DADA" moistens me into clay
scratches on your leg will bring me
the strongest pain,
Ill love and guide you mama, just hold my hand
It is the Loveliest quality known to man,
at which if your not a father, then you wouldn't understand
If happiness has an optimum, This is it,
wifey(NOw B-MOmma)
couldn't have given me no greater gift
A baby, the angels hand picked from the heavens
to Teach Daddy a lesson
To these words stands as my reigned confession