Early morning drive...

early morning drive 
to Cal hospital, 1.5 mile away from la live
 early morning drive, 
eyes tired, lack of sleep I guess 
playing jams from my smooth & cool playlist
I sigh, sigh as I drive
and think maybe I drink too much?
and messed up on my  wife a bunch
because I lust
which only rotted the relationship to rust with taste of disgust, 
leading her to 2 attempted suicides, 2 DUI 's, debt pilling up so high, and a moment where she drove the armada truck with us like a scene from "vannilla  sky"
I'm glad I made it out alive!
I'm glad she didn't hit no one that was around but a month later crashed into the house and brought part of the walls and garage down. 
and still she pointed the finger at me, the cause because of my infidelity, and facade perception she had of me
so we tried marriage therapy..., and then individually, by us seeking answers we found the impurity and insecurity
there was no future to where we were chasing...,
there was no erasing, reality was my awakening
that I sware I cried at many times 
gotten drunk and stared to the sky for a sign 
& read daily qoutes from my astrological sign,
because I was blind ... 
As one grows, all they know is love is 
 a fairytale With a horse and carriage, loving life and support everyone especially parents, 
but instead thorns punctured my heart, 
it bled. 
This marriage left for dead at the moment of " I Do," because" I didn't" to my insecure wife, of previous marriage that didn't survive, and with 4 kids, and still at 30 hadn't begun life.  
She went wild and at my worst I smiled, 
smiled because we had created the most heavenly child
that God placed in front of me, to tame me and so looking into her eyes 
I see me, I see what dreams ought to be, my little princess and queen to be 
 Found my Epiphany, from something so pure, and in it's truest sense of simplicity
We had failed what was once a team, but I will never lose 
what it means to me, 
Life is an experience and 
must learn from it with patience and guidance, 
without love you go guideless,
and there will be no sense of me 
in writting this,
in a morning like this
while the last tear I finally dry,
I dry them and am at peace of mind...
because without searching, I did find...
today!!
That I see with the open eyes
while I drive....