Beauty is but a painted hell

A poem by one of my most favorite poets .

Beauty Is But A Painted Hell
by Thomas Campion

Beauty is but a painted hell :
        Aye me, aye me,
Shee wounds them that admire it,
Shee kils them that desire it.
        Giue her pride but fuell,
        No fire is more cruell.

Pittie from eu'ry heart is fled :
        Aye me, aye me,
Since false desire could borrow
Teares of dissembled sorrow,
        Constant vowes turn truthlesse,
        Loue cruele, Beauty ruthlesse.

Sorrow can laugh, and Fury sing :
        Aye me, aye me,
My rauing griefes discouer
I liu'd too true a louer :
        The first step to madnesse
        Is the excesse of sadnesse.

(year:1620, poem, song)

Freestyle 7/18/2008 (((THaProductz)))

Flowing off tha head from Dr.Dre Beat "forgot about Dre"

" it's only skin deep"

Is Beauty like the saying that "it's only skin deep"? 
I dont believe because, The more prettier the more they can deceive
Fake beauty always flaunted in music and tv..
...See the beauty with eyes closed
Or fail and be victim to consequence, 
be  in court like I overheard one guy say
" all this for a couple minutes of loving"
"now I owe $43,000 dollars  and something " 
Damn!  I would rather be hugging than this kind of fucking
To me Beauty is the saying "  making something out of nothing"
"making it," after many barriers confronting
Or maybe just one thing,  
As I look to the beauty of my child, that makes me smile 
Her nurtured intelligence, eyes of innocence 
God sent, that I love more than it be said 
My children, young and spirited,
With smiles so simple 
Yet the most beautiful
That can teach this vain world 
Or model, who's really just an anorexic girl 
Hurting a lot , turning to cocaine when it started with pot & found overdosed in the parking lot
At young thought without my Head
I was married once, so I guess you can say I was tricked by the serpent
Lazy, she did things only out of convenience, good riddance
But hey .. I wish u the best. "LEARN and never regret" 
24 hours in a day, damn I wish there was more, Im behind in debt
But Not in currency, but consistency of creativity
Attempt to live, live to it's truest form of quality, 
while getting my masters degree, 
But does that make you Master to my own destiny? 
Writing, just writing is calm and soothing to me....
Because it let's my mind breath
So what is beauty ? 
To that, one needs to take a closer scrutiny. 

Song I dedicate to those friends I will never See again...Well meet up again

Lyrics:
The day I found my soul, I felt it
Die inside of me, yeah.
So I turn to you; life is
Like that, you know.

I have your face
In a photo in high school,
When you were alive,
But thats all I have.
And I cant remember
Who I was myself, then.
And it doesnt help;
Still I look to you as a friend
To tell me:

Who we are now, who we are.
It's who we are now, who we are.
Where does time go now,
On a wake for young souls?
You tell me,
Who we are now, who we are.
Where does time go now,
On a wake for young souls?

Like a lullaby, you sing:
Oh, ooo. Oh, ooo. Oh, ooo, ooo.

Well, the wind that blows...
It's blowing colder.
And the child that grows...
Shes growing older.
And the friends we've known,
Theyll turn a shoulder.
The friends we know,
They're growing colder, so...

It's who we are now, who we are.
It's who we are now, who we are.
Where does time go now,
On a wake for young souls?
You tell me,
Who we are now, who we are.
It's who we are now, who we are.
Woah, woah,
On a wake for young souls.

Wheres my soul? Where's my soul? Where's my soul?

Where's my soul?

Where's my soul?

Cycle of the moon brings blood to the woman,
And the blood of the woman brings birth of a child;
Child grow up, he forget himself and
Birth of a child comes someplace wild.
Even grey days beat the shade to wean,
Unbodied, unsouled, unheard, unseen.
Let the gift be grown in the time to call our own;
Let the gift be sewn, for the window's closing.
Truth is natural like the wind that blows;
Follow it's direction, no matter where it goes.
So it shall be: the earth, and the sea.
Let the truth blow like a hurricane through me.

Oh, oo. Oh, oo. Oh, oo, ooo.

If Ive been cold,
If Ive spoken in anger
To have been bold,
Forgive me. You know, I
Dont see your mother,
Not like before,
Though she hasnt forgotten...
She doesnt like to be reminded anymore.
And Annie got married it:
It didnt come with out tears.
Like the day you died:
I have nothing for these years, so,

It's who we are now, who we are.
It's who we are now, who we are.
Where does time go now
On a wake for young souls, now?
It's who we are now, who we are.
It's who we are now, who we are.
Woah, woah,
On a wake for young souls.

Other things, you know, are gonna
Fall away from me
Like a grain of sand
Slips through a good friend's hand

Lyrics from" patience" by Nas & Damian Marley " distant relatives" album.

This song and lyrics and the way it was spit...magical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnplLOYoS_g&sns=em


Patience lyrics

[Damian Marley - Verse 1]
Some of the smartest dummies
Can't read the language of Egyptian mummies
An' a fly go a moon
And can't find food for the starving tummies
Pay no mind to the youths
Cause it's not like the future depends on it
But save the animals in the zoo
Cause the chimpanzee dem a make big money
This is how the media pillages
On the TV the picture is
Savages in villages
And the scientist still can't explain the pyramids, huh
Evangelists making a living on the videos of ribs of the little kids
Stereotyping the image of the images
And this is what the image is
You buy a khaki pants
And all of a sudden you say a Indiana Jones
An' a thief out gold and thief out the scrolls and even the buried bones
Some of the worst paparazzis I've ever seen and I ever known
Put the worst on display so the world can see
And that's all they will ever show
So the ones in the west
Will never move east
And feel like they could be at home
Dem get tricked by the beast
But a where dem ago flee when the monster is fully grown?
Solomonic linage whe dem still can't defeat and them coulda never clone
My spiritual DNA that print in my soul and I will forever Own Lord

[Hook]

[Nas talking]
Yeah, Sabali. Thats patience. That's what the old folks told me...
Discovering the World before this World. A World buried in time.
Uncover with rhymes. It gets no realer.

[Damian Marley: Verse 2]
Huh, we born not knowing, are we born knowing all?
We growing wiser, are we just growing tall?
Can you read thoughts? can you read palms?
Huh, can you predict the future? can you see storms, coming?
The Earth was flat if you went too far you would fall off
Now the Earth is round if the shape change again everybody woulda start laugh
The average man can't prove of most of the things that he chooses to speak of
And still won't research and find out the root of the truth that you seek of
Scholars teach in Universities and claim that they're smart and cunning
Tell them find a cure when we sneeze and that's when their nose start running
And the rich get stitched up, when we get cut
Man a heal dem broken bones in the bush with the wed mud
Can you read signs? can you read stars?
Can you make peace? can you fight war?
Can you milk cows, even though you drive cars? huh
Can you survive, Against All Odds, Now?

[Hook]

[Nas]
It's crazy when you feed people the truth you don't know how they're gonna react. You're scared of wrong doers, people that just ignorant, You're scared of the truth, be patient for now.

[Nas: Verse 3]
Who wrote the Bible? Who wrote the Qur'an?
And was it a lightning storm
That gave birth to the Earth
And then dinosaurs were born? damn
Who made up words? who made up numbers?
And what kind of spell is mankind under?
Everything on the planet we preserve and can it
Microwaved it and try it
No matter what we'll survive it
What's hue? what's man? what's human?
Anything along the land we consuming
Eatin', deletin', ruin
Trying to get paper
Gotta have land, gotta have acres
So I can sit back like Jack Nicholson
Watch n-ggas play the game like the lakers
In a world full of 52 fakers
Gypsies, seances, mystical prayers
You superstitious? throw salt over your shoulders
Make a wish for the day cuz
Like somebody got a doll of me
Stickin' needles in my arteries
But I can't feel it
Sometimes it's like 'pardon me, but I got a real big spirit'
I'm fearless.... I'm fearless
Don't you try and grab hold of my soul
It's like a military soldier since seven years old
I held real dead bodies in my arms
Felt their body turn cold, oh
Why we born in the first place
If this is how we gotta go?
Damn.

This goes to all the wisdom and knowledge seekers of the World. Sabali, Patience, yeah.
[End]

Lyrics courtesy of Distant Relatives.

Thank you

what is of tomorrow ?
When there's nothing or no one to follow?
When your sunshine gets casted in a cloud, gray of sorrow?
I search for the truth, past my once age of curious youth
past the time of my last fallen tooth
In guidance I still look up to you
forgive me of my sins
I love you
I always wanted you to be proud to me
that's why I stayed away from the penitentiary
stayed in school and got a degree
Because you were always looking out for me
Your teachings help define me
During the worst of times, I lied to you, wife and lied to me
Now as a father, experience and wisdom to my seeds offer
Teach of the learned mistakes of their careless father
but to nothing regret because these were lessons
not to forget nor for a second neglect
I just want to thank you in this most precious day
when things look dismay
I just want to thank you of the teacher to me you became
You brought me back to live truth
you killed my once devilish youth
killed my lies with the tears in
my eyes
and for that I eternally love you
Your Son
May 13, 2007

Dedicated to those w/ a loved one in trouble and you feel helpless..

The saddest sight
as she decays in front of my eyes
I heavy sigh,
pain soo strong like the loss of my son
soo much potential
yet sadness & desperate clouds her mental
that she just gives in
to heavy drugs like heroin
and sinks into a mental trip
everytime her mother and I talk to her
she says " were just talking shit"
yells & cusses, with dried spit and dry cracked lips
every other hour you can see her chain smoke cigarettes
God help, because you know we've tried,
rehab more than three times
yet still she lies,
high is seen in her eyes.
multiple lawyers paid many times,
soo many times watched my mother Cry.
Wondering " Why "
Which angers me, but found out it won't solve anything.
but only enabling
Offer love and support, and
hope one day she can shed dead skin and spread her angel wings
and let love sing
where pain has once been
sunlight to where there was once rain
I remember your first words were my name, was I not your bothers keeper
but reaper that added to shame ?
my head turned as You lived in the fast lane
because I was busy with my own,
I'm sorry,
sorry that many times I didn't come home,
sorry father and mother never really had the "happy home"
I bet you felt alone
and your world couldn't understand
and ran into the arms of another lonely young man
that had the " Love"
" the happy feeling drug"
that morphed emotions numb,
please don't let it succumb
Safety, health and peace I wish her
Because God knows I miss her,
please I ask...
I ask to bring Back my sister...

*L***K*

Dim the Lights, pop the cork, light the candle, set the bubble bath on standby, open the window slightly for a cool breeze, and don't talk, let the music talk to you.....

A Father's Prayer 8/14/2007

To be a father,
wisdom from experience must offer
though I may be not be the most perfect example
love must not be thrown in a hamper
always unconditional and teaching
while y child grows & grows, knows & knows
for a meaning seeking to be reaching,
TO the Lord we be kneeling.
My child, I smile when you smile
comfort you and kiss you when you frown
When grades are good and chores done,
That dress will be bought, and reward won,
It will be given to you because Daddy loves you
I only ask for the truth and confidence
Never arrogance and disobedience
I may not always be right, but with my pure heart I shall guide
Love your mom and kiss her good night
Daddy will never be cruel,
Only spank you, discipline to teach you rules
I love you more,
Than eyes can ever see, ears can ever hear
When at moments of fear, just
Look at the mirror, for you have noone but yourself to fear
There will be a day, when I wont wake
But with the genes we gave and teachings trained
I will never be too far away,
Daddy is but a memory away
Look to the clouds on a bright day
Or dark in a feeling of dismay
A soft kiss will be felt in the cool
Soft mist, because “DADA”
Will always be there &
Will always love you

..K..

Hey Mami, what cha doing tonight?
Mabuhi, G.bless and long life
glad not to be with ex-wife
A time of stress, argue & fight
I'm finally living it right
and just wanna say I got u in sight
soo appetizing I want to bite, kiss,
recite poetry to miss,
and expose you to my thoughts of devilish
your smile is cool
like an Ice cube it keeps me tranquil
sometimes your name weighs heavy on my brain like an anvil
looking at you in your orange dress
sparks a fire of desire
in which I will cool down tonight with a cold shower
& tell her I like her on a note with chocolate & flowers
When alonr I kiss over 500 times on her neck
while she slaps my hands keeping me in check
" hands to yourself!"
my mind and eyes say " what the hell?"
And by my actions she can tell,
Damn I must have done something dumb, plus it's 4 in the morning,
So to sleep, I might as well....
by the way, it was cool to puff a little
weed, definitely been a long time for me
20 minutes later it gave me munchies
While feeling High, we took a taxi to LaLive
we ate sushi & drank wine
temporary solace of divine
On your bday, It was your day,
eating at restaurant at 21st floor restaurant,
overlooking the city
in all it's splendor and gritty
and by the way did I mention
" you look way more than pretty?"
And I calm & cool
Smooth & charmin, like Dean Martin
After the meal with cool view
"what's next" u said
I say "let's shoot pool!"
no car so taxi again taken to seven grand bar,
mojitos and rum n coke ordered
the last dude I played pool
I murdered,
acting like Tom cruise "On the color of money,"
on my pool shark skills,
and yes I got the tongue to pay the bills,
drinking as if I had gills.
Listening to the live band, "we chilled"
But in my mind, I anticipate,
The kiss from my date
"look babe isn't the singer great"
K said
I say " yea, she put soul to it"
you reply " she's white,"
if she was, I said " she has a bad tan,
overcooked medium, and slightly looking like a man."
But to her music I'm a fan
" cmon follow me, hey ma'am loved your singing voice what's your nationality?"
she said black and cherokee,
I looked at K and said "haha now you owe me."
she smiled as she left to the Bathroom briefly....
Her perfume scent drugging me
anyways, silence is all I heard in the crowd as K in her orange skirt approached my way in seductive walk, without any touch or talk, she gave me pleasurable pain, & grabbed my shirt
My hands touched over the "lump" part of the skirt, each kiss like a sensual flirt ..Lol, and yes it did work
wanting to proceed more than centimeter, i want like an inch.
eyes Never flynch cuz i didn't want to miss, this miss
Even while writting this , I cannot describe this...
So I'll end the page, with the memory stained, a friendship taking off like a plane, afar from which it came...
that tomorrow will bring a new day ;)

To my Son MANUEL J. Origel 7/31/2007

Lay me cold, watch in stand still the silence
the beat of my poor child in his mother's womb
for him to be born is to sleep in a tomb
We will see you soon, when Daddy and Mommy
only wanted to Love and Protect you
Even before we met, all my life ive been in love with you
I only wanted to watch as the years passed to guide you
and at night sing songs to you
watch when you took your first step, wep and when
you reached "you terrible two"
Now Daddy is the one to Weep, never to watch your first step
and only wake to see my son's last breath
A climax of pain, close to my own death
because I only wanted the best
No suffering, no pain, no surgeries, no tests
my son is a human not an experiment
and my son MANUEL I will bury you, you will
you will lay in your tomb with the pictures of your
family that dearly loves you
So after, when the time when I pass and reach the heavens gates
& meet my fate
I will be seen walking the clouds
seeing people living; living their own eternal life now
beyond being earthbound
because we reached heaven, were years are only seconds
and as I walk, passing the people who on earth died
I see the world with my new eyes...A child playing
with other kids,
smiling at the fun of being kids
....WHen one looks at me, slants his head slightly
and brings out a picture from his pocket
and stares at it staringly
..AND runs and Yells to me, hugs and kisses me
Because, because he found his DADDY

MANUEL JESUS ORIGEL (6months old)
DAddy loves you (7/31/2007)

Before Angelina was born (written 2005)

I don't even know if my love is the greatest
but your birth will be the peak of pleasure
ever witnessed by my 5 Senses
Though through the pregnancy it was stressful
and many possible complications could of occurred
I prary and thank God to shelter with his wings for
the coming arrival of my little girl
My own personal living angel in this world
Ive made many mistakes in my pathway
and things I wanted to deter or change
But Angelina, my darling you are the surest thing
I know, that was ever made
Happiness is to watch you play
the words "DADA" moistens me into clay
scratches on your leg will bring me
the strongest pain,
Ill love and guide you mama, just hold my hand
It is the Loveliest quality known to man,
at which if your not a father, then you wouldn't understand
If happiness has an optimum, This is it,
wifey(NOw B-MOmma)
couldn't have given me no greater gift
A baby, the angels hand picked from the heavens
to Teach Daddy a lesson
To these words stands as my reigned confession

Just wanted to say

It’s the touch, that makes me blush,
It’s the scent of the feline, which has it’s place in divine
Your kiss tremble  my lips in feverish.
Slient beauty, when I stare at you with your closed eyelids
Can’t help but think these thoughts devilish
Your body of petite such an exquisite specimen
Having me speak words of awe  that which no one can comprehend
Calm myself from the anxiety, I count to ten
Laid myself close to you & hold your hand
She mummerly spoke, as she awoke,
She  held me close, we embraced under the morning light glow,
Paging her at times, just to  say “hello”.
When we held vacancy in cupid’s room of love
We are intwined in one but not surely by our mere tongues
The scent of your perfume has me drugged
I  would unveil my jacket if ever to step in a pool of mud
At home, hearing you moan as I massage you woes
While tickling your toes, haha
Her laughter inks passion in me to write
We shouldn’t wonder life, nor ask why or how
Let us live for now
God bless, like Moses from the Nile,
smile, for tomorrow will have it’s own trial
Just wanted to say,
when one’s not looking a treasure is found.

The Rave 2000 ( write at work after listening to eazy e song)

Last night I wanna mis-behave, so I went to a rave
Women everywhere blurring my brain
Flaunting their blossomed bodies,
in a psychotic, erotic calling
quit the stalling, as I now eves dropping
to the ….Bosoms sprawling
shit I couldn’t contain no more watching
as jigglies were flaunting
for they opened up the devils gate,
my pulse rate accelerate, as Miss Lady approached me
rubbing my leg, grooves from her fingers touch made me blush
soothed, entwined was the engagement of my lips welcoming her tongue
her kiss was the sense of fine wine, aged during the reign of kings
I must have been in dreams, as she rode with me this evening
Hours from now hovering, will be the blue ceiling………
So in this presence of this dark bliss, our bodies are revealed
Temperature was moist and humid
As I was to give in to this sin
I felt her thigh close to my skin
Her neck I passionately kissed
While dirty words were being hissed
My hands walked down to the hips
U she squeezed a tighter grip
My fingers trickled slowly and lowly did they slip
There it went, there it went,
I think this is it
SHIiiiiiiit!!!!!!!!!!
It was a DICK!!!!
I jumped skipped did a flip, closed line the bitch
and escaped out of her providence
This is the haunting remembrance of the last time I try to
Pick up a girl from Hollywood’s garden

(3-20-2000) Working graveyard @ Rite aid warehouse.

Early morning drive...

early morning drive 
to Cal hospital, 1.5 mile away from la live
 early morning drive, 
eyes tired, lack of sleep I guess 
playing jams from my smooth & cool playlist
I sigh, sigh as I drive
and think maybe I drink too much?
and messed up on my  wife a bunch
because I lust
which only rotted the relationship to rust with taste of disgust, 
leading her to 2 attempted suicides, 2 DUI 's, debt pilling up so high, and a moment where she drove the armada truck with us like a scene from "vannilla  sky"
I'm glad I made it out alive!
I'm glad she didn't hit no one that was around but a month later crashed into the house and brought part of the walls and garage down. 
and still she pointed the finger at me, the cause because of my infidelity, and facade perception she had of me
so we tried marriage therapy..., and then individually, by us seeking answers we found the impurity and insecurity
there was no future to where we were chasing...,
there was no erasing, reality was my awakening
that I sware I cried at many times 
gotten drunk and stared to the sky for a sign 
& read daily qoutes from my astrological sign,
because I was blind ... 
As one grows, all they know is love is 
 a fairytale With a horse and carriage, loving life and support everyone especially parents, 
but instead thorns punctured my heart, 
it bled. 
This marriage left for dead at the moment of " I Do," because" I didn't" to my insecure wife, of previous marriage that didn't survive, and with 4 kids, and still at 30 hadn't begun life.  
She went wild and at my worst I smiled, 
smiled because we had created the most heavenly child
that God placed in front of me, to tame me and so looking into her eyes 
I see me, I see what dreams ought to be, my little princess and queen to be 
 Found my Epiphany, from something so pure, and in it's truest sense of simplicity
We had failed what was once a team, but I will never lose 
what it means to me, 
Life is an experience and 
must learn from it with patience and guidance, 
without love you go guideless,
and there will be no sense of me 
in writting this,
in a morning like this
while the last tear I finally dry,
I dry them and am at peace of mind...
because without searching, I did find...
today!!
That I see with the open eyes
while I drive.... 

Thorns

Thorns puncture my heart*
I bleed, yet look to you drift ....dream
Feel I am king. Yet it is a paradise in my eyes that are blind
For what I write, is it right?
I must let you know, even if you let me go
I would never know, if it was fate that stood looked to my face
Something I couldn't wait... I anticipate, yet
for the moment I was hoping...
Maybe were two souls searching ...uncertain
Has it ever been said,"The way you look can only be read in books?"
The way you walk in a room, a passion im consumed, yet
witness from a distant view
A tear drops, my heart stops,
in awe as I watch when you pass by
I cannot lie, but I walk, for I cannot talk
Your name haunts, in silence by the taunts
By your denial, I smile
Atleast my words were spoken, to what I couldn't utter in the open
Know I could tell you ... im hoping...

MAKALA (1998) back in military