HeAven for a lost SoUL (age 18)

Is there heaven for a lost soul?
body comatose, mind stoned?
Tell me why the world can turn a man crazy-
for what ive done, hope I haven't cursed my babies
My sorrow to pain, tears to rain
Im choking, intoxicated playing this game, feeling this pain,
slowly perfusion of blood going through my veins
through the years, my face change but I still remain the same
for tomorrow, im inquiring
The Morning yells its siren,
"Conscience," once again in my mind is cycling,
thoughts are reminding
I say "What do you want from me?!"
Crying sincerely, memories haunting me
It be the many dreams that haunt, caught in a stage more like a phase
Trapped in strange days, let me look through the haze
Waiting, sitting quiet in riot, with a cigarette to my lips
Enjoying my sub - conscience, wake me to bless this gift
& Fly like an angel with unearthly wings....Before it slips
Stranger in a fury to the sirens that lure me,
symphonies of agony, making this heart bleed,
Though I scream, I can't breathe; help me, tumbling to a falsified seed
I Cannot breed, these queens really don't really know me
Though loving, wanting piece of my heart, away from harm
forgive me, but pieces of me are dark
Like a demon lured, another day insecure
Full of questions, results to guessing, blessed to be stressing
Want to fly in the clouds like a bird, I will make myself heard
glancing at specks of life below, watch me soar, beware
Hear me roar! Shattering across the white snow,
to the shadows of life before, carrying these thoughts for the
thirsty & hungry, this world is clumsy and im an object of their money
And if I die, were will I lay, tell me if I have shined
Reincarnated.... what will I be?
An eagle to seek the skies, a wolf hollering cries into the divine
Clouds swoom overhead, wind bristles past my ear,
looking to the ever horizon, world of wonders
Arrived since the coming years
This is what I see looking to a mirror

The stand (age 18)

Strange, furious, cautious, honest
Im plain as the opportunity that comes knocking...on us
Days are but a lust, laughing in a craze
Am I blamed for my ways, living in dust?
Cuz im stuck.....Fuck!
Such words mercenary set to bust, plans to erupt
Yearn, stories legendary must be heard
Worries from a blurred, man disturbed ... easily,
so don't be near to me
What is it worth? Deteriorated earth, world from a mind
a mind about to burst
Seeking for my lost soul, glance, look to strangers of the dark
eyes of the cold, mind unknown, lurking scenes they call home
Scent of a reptile, curious like a child, seen desperate,
yet under the moon fluorescent.
Left alone they turn to stone, were have their souls left?
I ask the heavens, what’s next?
"There with us ... waiting"
Time is escalating, no hesitating... anticipating
So be strong, I hold on, shake the world with this song
At a young age my soul to the lord was already pawned
So I be raw, for I don't comply with law,
outcast till heaven gives me a call
Stand bold, tall, doing my devilish deeds
I don't care that’s why im free
Adding another episode to my story,
live and die to receive glory
Become legendary in children’s story

Young & REbellious {{AGE 20}}

{{{WRote @ AGE 20 }}}
Where are we going? What are we really knowing?
Is it showing?
When everyday can and will go wrong
Too many people singing sad songs….
Mother's at work feeding babies that aren’t raised in church
Father’s escaping the pain into liquor rain
Like medication of cool relaxation
No sense of finding the truth
Lord save the blundered youth, who don’t know No truth
Only what is seen, but told not to do
" Do as I say, not as I portray"
Sad at a young age roamed stray, preyed,
Played and escaped my communities violence
Hid my expressions in silence
And fought back in my pen an paper
and went back "good" like a crossfader
At night analyze
To write another thought into the blank page
Letting all feelings explode like a grenade
There I felt safe

RAY CHARLES PAINTING (the process)

It still unfinished , working on the face and background

Written @ a time of uncertain w no one to trust but my daughter.

I dont believe in love anymore for a queen to be with me. 

 I only live and have love for my seed, I praise her as the most precious being.
She's my little queen, and daddy's her king,
no one can come in and change that.
though I know later in age she will be released to experience life,
and possibly be someones wife. 
Till then and after I will be her Rock, Daddy will never let her down.
grab her hand and walk her on the ocean shore,
and let her know everything will be alright,
passed every dark night will be morning to sunlight.
An it shines for her to reach, it shines for me to teach,
and enjoy the simple things like crackling sounds of leaves through the breeze.
Women have only brought pain and headache,
sex is temporary pleasure, after it, I only receive bad tempers, why didn't I know better? 
Maybe I choose insecure members?
I've dated many types, none are alike yet im never happy.
when u think U found one, U need to test it, otherwise, years later you'll regret it,
I love the female specimen but the female gives hell, can send u to jail.
Use all your money and yet not consider themselves  "greedy"
but what they receive they "deserve." 
U deserve to get your ass kicked, poured gasoline and lit, spit, fake as counterfeit,
Bitch your tongue should fall off because u never really tell the truth, you embellish it.
Save that sh*t,
U make a victim for people to feel sorry for,
and cry when your man walks out the door..
because he couldn't stand U anymore, 
Beware to those misled,
just because she gave u head and gave U a sandwich in bed, don't believe it, because you'll be disappointed when love is not what you receive it.... Silly you were deceived. 
I'll live , I'll live single...an happy
Till I'm dead, they won't catch me
And I say this laughingly
Because sometimes it's a part of life that some men have to see...

Dedicated to those that see with closed eyes...
****Realize